Week 7 Day 1

So, 7 weeks into this and the truth is I've done crap! I get a good start for a few days, then just slack off.  When I'm doing really good, I feel so strong and so proud of myself. So why do I screw that up? The other day I read a blog post of a friend. He said to succeed you have to know why you really want to do it. Not just the answers we're supposed to have. Be healthier, have more energy, be a good example. The real reason. Deep in your heart. I think that's my problem. I don't know. Yes, I want all those things. And yes, I want to look better. But what is the real, deep down, root of it all, reason. I've been fat since the day I was born. I've never in my life had a year, a month, a week, that I wasn't fat. It's what I know. Maybe the problem isn't that I don't know the reason I want it. Maybe the problem is fear. If I succeed and lose the weight I want, will it change who I am? I've seen it happen to people. I like the person I am. I guess I'm afraid that by completely changing the outside, the inside will change as well. I've also always had a fear of rejection. The man I love fell in love with me as I am now. He tells me every day how beautiful I am. Will it change the way he sees me? Will he not be as attracted to me? I know him well enough to know that his love for me is not just physical attraction, but after years of being "the fat girl" you get used to the fact that you are attractive to men who "have a thing for big girls".  He also tells me how proud of me he is. He's encouraging but doesn't push. That's because he's going to love me fat or thin. I have to keep reminding myself of that every day. Sometimes it's just easier to say "Why risk it"? However, he may like what he sees, but when I look in the mirror, I don't. And I have to keep remembering that this is about me. Another thing I have problems with. It's hard for me to think in those terms. If I'm ever going to be able to be happy with what I see in the mirror, I have to get over my fear. I know the truth, and I have to stop letting that negative voice in the back keep scaring me away. I have to start loving myself enough to say "I will be the person I want to be inside and out". I can and will do this. And nothing is going to stop me. 

Week 6 Day 2

Yeah, yeah. I know. Way to go at keeping focused! Damn! Ok, I have a new reason to recommit here. My friend Katie is working her butt off! She's working with a trainer every day, and he's pushing her to insane limits. And the great part is she's making it! Doing everything he says. Pushing to points she never imagined going. Now, he's decided she should be exercising 3 times a day! Every day! She has been such an inspiration I've made a decision. I've told Katie that I'll will do this with her! She's not here so I can't use her trainer, but if she can work, go to school, and still do this, I damn well can too! So, starting tomorrow it's exercise 3 times a day! 

Week 5 Day 1

Well, the past week I lost .4 pound. Ugh! Still sitting at 21 pounds since the end of April. April is not a happy camper. That 7 pounds a month. Last time I did this I lost 65 pounds in 4 months! I know, I said I was willing to do this slow and steady, but this really isn't what I had in mind! I was thinking more like 2.5 pounds a week instead of 5. I will say though, there has been no movement at all on my scale for over a week until yesterday and that's a couple of days after making the decision to just start listening to my body! I noticed also that when I stopped obsessing over how much water I was drinking, I started drinking more!  Here's the funny part..Saturday I just felt blah.. I did nothing all day. Lay in bed watching John Wayne movies. Ate all kinds of crap I shouldn't have. Drank 3 cans of Coke. Sunday...dropped .2. Monday...dropped another .2  Maybe I just needed a break! 
So, now I guess it's time to get back to it! Oh, no ChaLean for a while. I've decided to start it after I lose another 20 pounds. I'm gonna work on my diet, and basic exercises to get my stamina built up some! 

Week 4 Day 4

Feeling kinda cruddy today. I'm listening to my body and resting today. Tomorrow I'll have the girls all day and I'm sure I'll more than make up for any exercise I lost today! I've decided it's time to start listening to what my body tells me.  If I'm hungry, I'll eat. If I'm not, I won't. If I'm thirsty, I'll have some water, If I'm tired, I'll sleep. Of course my body will tell me it doesn't feel like exercising. Oh well, I can't listen to it all the time. That's when it will have to listen to me! 

Week 4 Day 3

Well, I didn't get Chalean done today. That's ok. I had a good day. Worked at the shop for a while, then spent the rest of the day with the girls. We put up a new tree swing for them and they loved it! I don't think I've heard "again! again!" so many times in my life!! In case you didn't know, pushing a swing is a great workout!! We went grocery shopping and had a fantastic dinner. The only downer of the day is Christi's doctor says 4 more weeks of recovery. No lifting anything heavier than the baby, no driving, no cleaning, basically nothing more than actually taking care of the baby. So that means another 4 weeks of Scott having to be home with her all the time! It's frustrating for both of them, and  it's financially difficult on me, but we'll get through it. Just another reason I need to keep working out!!

Week 4 Day 2

Got back to the shop and worked and sweated, came home and cleaned the kitchen, ChaLean seriously kicked my butt tonight! Had an awesome Subway sandwich. No, it wasn't a BMT or a spicy italian! I got a healthy one! I'm feeling really good! Tired, but good! I've decided to try to do things this way: mornings- 30 minutes on the Gazelle before work, then my ChaLean in the evening! On the 2 ChaLean rest days I'm going to do exactly that! I'll still do the Gazelle every morning and start working my way up to an hour. So, that means I've got to start getting to bed on time so I can drag my ass out of it in the morning! I'm feeling like I'm off to a good start after my "recommitting"! Now, I just have to keep it up! 

Week 4 Day 1

So, to be perfectly honest the first 3 weeks of this project have not exactly gone the way I imagined! That ends now! I've got my Chalean, I've got my Gazelle, I've got my AbLounger, and I've got my brain! I have everything I need to do this right! It's a shame being fat is so unhealthy because it's so easy! I know that becoming healthy will get easier over time as I get used to living a different lifestyle, but damn! I've got to do something about my smoking too. I'm aware that it's the main reason I can't do more as far as physical activity. I'm hoping that as I spend more time being active, I'll spend less time with the damn cigarette in my mouth! I can't make the decision to lose weight and quit smoking at the same time. I've tried that before and it's just not something I can do. Maybe if I was at that last 20 pounds it would be easier. For now, I'm going to work on balancing the scale, increase activity, decrease smoking. At least I'm smart enough not to do what I saw today. A woman out doing a power walk with a cigarette in her mouth! Really??? Sure is a good thing I'm not a drinker too! So....Week 4: I'm recommitting myself to getting my exercise in EVERY day. That's every single day. Something, no matter what it is. Chalean, Gazelle, AbLounger, cutting the grass, cleaning out the garage, running in the park with the girls....as long as I'm moving!!! 

Week 3 Day 7

I feel great! I'm hot, sweaty, and exhausted. Ready for a shower and a good night's sleep! I've been going all day and did my exercise too! I have the feeling I'm gonna be sore in the morning, but that's why I'm gonna get my butt up and go to the gym before I head to work! I'm thrilled to be getting back to the shop as well, even though I know this may be my last week there. I really hope not! I love my job, and really don't look forward to trying to find a new one! Well, I'll deal with that burning bridge when I get to it! Right now, I'm just enjoying feeling good physically! Tomorrow I'm gonna go see if I can find some weights to fill in the missing ones I need. Wish me luck!

Week 3 Day 5

Feeling really good today! Got on the scale this morning and lost a pound! Ok, .8 pounds, but close enough! I've still got 19 to go by September 10 to make my next goal. I can do it, just gotta keep bustin ass! I've got so many people around me who are so supportive! Life is feeling really good! I had a great dinner, did my exercises and even cleaned the kitchen!!  I decided it's time to move past "getting to know the program" and started using some heavier weights for part of the ChaLean program. I'm still stuck with some exercises being lighter weights than I'd like simply because of what I have. I have 2- 3lbs, 1- 12 lb, 1- 20 lb, and 2- 25 lbs. Have no idea why Scott brought me the 25 pounders! I'm hoping to add some in between weights a little at a time. They're not expensive but until Scott gets back to work I just can't do it and I don't want to ask Dave to buy them. I'll get everything going just right very soon! 

I said I would post my 30 day starting pics so here they are

Week 3 Day 4

I've finally gotten things fairly well in order. I think I'll be able to get back to work next week and get myself really, really on track!
I'll say it again...I love ChaLean! When I finish the workout, I'm totally drenched in sweat, my arms and legs feel like jello, and all I can think about is taking a shower, then a nap. Suddenly an amazing thing happens. I take my shower and out of nowhere I feel this amazing rush of energy! But not a hyper type energy. I don't know how to describe it. It's like my body feels like it's still working out!! I sleep great, and even though I pushed myself to edge I haven't woken up the next morning hurting. A little sore, yes. But a little stretching and walking around and that's gone. Not like other workouts that left me in pain for days and didn't give me this great feeling! I'll be posting my starting pics tomorrow.( gotta pick up usb cord from daughters)Then we'll see what 30 days of feeling that will do for me!!

Week 3 Day 1

4th of July. No fireworks but a great grilled steak dinner made by son-in-law Scott as a thank you for our help. Now the girls are back home and I've got at least a full day of cleaning up after the 'tornado kids'! However, with Christi still far from being recovered most of my time for the next week or 2 will be spent with them just trying to keep the girls from jumping on Mommy and her from trying to pick them up! I will be doing my exercises daily though. Amazingly the past few days I've been walking much less than before. Gotta work on that! It's time to get back to it! I'm heading to the gym in the morning and then I'll do my ChaLean in the evening when I get back home. Eating right is difficult out there, so I better plan on packing my own food! Wish me luck!!

Week 2 Day 7

The family is all safe, healthy, and happy. Now, I can get back to focusing on this body! Tomorrow morning I'll be starting the ChaLean Extreme program. I'll be doing it every day, no excuses. I'm down to 34.5 weeks til my birthday, and even though I realize it's unlikely I'm gonna lose 100 pounds in that time, I'm determined to get as close as possible. I have decided that I'm going to change the goal in order to avoid a failure that's going to lead to giving up. So, 34 weeks at 1.5 pounds per week=51 pounds. That would put me at 195 which would be less than I've weighed in over 10 years! That's what I'm calling my minimum goal. Anything more than that will be a bonus! 
I've also started a clothing fund. I'm paying myself to lose! Got a ceramic piggy bank(so I can't steal from myself) and I'm depositing $5 for each pound I lose. That will go on until my birthday and I'll use the cash to buy myself something really nice

Week 2 Day 6

Everything is now good with Christi and family and they'll be going home tomorrow! Phew! What an amazingly stressful week! The next week or 2 I'll be spending alot of time out at the house with them, but I think I'll still be doing better.  I've had several people tell me that I need to just make sure my family understands that I need to take time for myself. That my exercise time and such has to come first. I understand the concept but I can't agree with it. When my family needs me, that will always come first. I will do my best to get in time for my personal stuff, but only after my family responsibilities are taken care of. 

Week 2 Day 4

Damn! I was doing so well at keeping up with this daily! Being at the hospital all day and then having the babies at night doesn't leave me with much time! Well, I really haven't been very careful with my food, but then again, I've been too busy to actually eat too much!!  I was so terrified when they decided Christi would have to have a c-section. It seems like everything about this pregnancy has just gone from bad to worse! Then they take him away to NICU! And he's still there! They talked about him taking too long to start breathing and of course I'm scared to death. Of course I couldn't show any signs of being worried because all this has been Christi's worst nightmare for the past 6 months. I had to make sure she saw I wasn't worried because that's the only way she would feel even close to ok. Pretending to be calm and unconcerned is truly exhausting! Fortunately, he's doing so much better and we can actually breathe easier. Now, I still have the girls with me but at least I'm not worrying about that middle of the night call! I will definitely be focusing a little better!